I have been an outsider most of my life, desperately seeking a cracked window or unlocked door to the house of belonging that everyone else seemed to have access to.

I’ve lived so much of my life sabotaging and suffocating who I am so that the certain, safe, and shallow could remain true. It’s what’s expected of most of us.

After the accumulation of trauma, complete disconnection, and grief became too heavy for me to hold any longer, I finally cracked open and the desperate breath I’d been holding for my entire life came rushing out as one long primal scream.

My psyche broke down over the span of 2 years. During that time I moved between mental health facilities, hospitals, parents, and friends. I never lacked a place to sleep, for which I have profound gratitude, but I had no home.

The nearest and last time I came to losing my life brought me to the moment I made my choice to live. I didn’t know how but I knew I had to try. So I picked up and moved to Pennsylvania.

When I got here I bought my first houseplant. It received the same neglect I showed towards myself but somehow it managed to hang on for dear life. Not once, but many times, this pothos refused to die. Slowly, I began to listen and learn what this plant was teaching me.

In seeing something so seemingly small and incapable fight so hard to survive and then to see it succeed, subconsciously I thought maybe I could, too. It took the smallest acts of care but when done consistently my plants began to not only survive, but thrive.

When you start seeing that kind of beauty come from such small acts of care, that beauty begins to grow in you too, and before you know it you’re surrounded by the abundance of joy that comes from such growth.

I began moving up the career ladder at work but when I began experiencing intense chronic health issues my ability to show up for the work I loved began to suffer. I gave my all in a desperate effort to “make things work”, but when my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, everything changed.

In the excruciating and profound process of caring for her the last 6 months of her life, as my world fell apart, my path became clear. Who I am, how I show up in the world, my unique gifts, all of it fell into place and Root & Renew Coaching was born.